Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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