i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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