shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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