im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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