My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize