puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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