dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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