It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize