Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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