I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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