I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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