He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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