i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize