I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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