my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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