I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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