My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize