I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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