I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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