doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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