im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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