Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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