I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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