How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
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my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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