my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
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I just found puke in my bra..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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