He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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