I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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