i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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