All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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