Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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