lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize