I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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