So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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