put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize