is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize