i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my being single is dangerous.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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