There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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