I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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