Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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