How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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