I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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