So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
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I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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