This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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