I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize