I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
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obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize