where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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