sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize