Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize