Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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