he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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